Since I'm bored of the mighty trolling project - Thank you, incidentally, that was priceless -, random VL IC angsting!

This particular little nugget is basically set a few years after Gotcha Force.


Orochi had it easy. She at least had the mind control excuse.

Tama, on the other hand, was just going into high school. Granted, nobody physically bullied him anymore in school, but...it wasn't exactly socially acceptable to be chums with a mass murderer. He was, of course, young enough that nobody really wanted to throw him in prison, and he'd been declared innocent, but...

"Hey, fatty! Plotting who you're gonna kill next?" A boy sneered at him. Tama groaned, and put his head deeper into his hands. It was /easier/, back then. When he was in the Death Force, he was just following orders. When he was in the Gotcha Force, he was just doing the right thing...now, hell, /now/, he was just some idiot. Kou'd done what he could, damage control wise, but he was starting to look at Usagi, and...but anyway.

He got up from the cafeteria seat. The lunchladies liked him; He was a good guinea pig for their latest creations. He liked the lunchladies; He never had to pay for any of it. Or was that abject fear? He never knew. It'd be easier if he actually was a heartless fiend. He..


Now there was an idea...

Eh? You're still paying attention?

Okay, then. I'm impressed.

How to be a forum troll. Alright.

Well, you're doing it for one of three reasons, generally. Either you A: Are doing it to have fun and fun only, B: Are wanting to cause damage to a person's reputation online, or C: You're trying to start a flamewar to keep a site alive.

Alright. First rule is: You never win. Ever.

You heard me. Your point isn't to win these flamewars.

When you start flamewars, you should, if you're doing it right, not be the only person on your side. That leads to getting banned. No. If you want to do this right, you have to have someone on your side to back you up. Preferably a lot of someones.

"But Banj," you cry, "Trolls are generally despised! Who on earth would support one in a flamewar?"

That's where the first lesson comes in.


First thing is, if you're going to do this, you don't join a forum and start trolling. It's good for a short fix, but you're gonna get banned pretty quickly. Honestly, you're not doing any good, and it's really not worth it for you OR the members. So. Get to know them first.

After all, it's always good to have friends, and life isn't all about trolling, you know. So.

Once you've made a few friends, being generally friendly, you want a few enemies. That's right. Enemies. You want people who will leap up at the first opportunity to counter every last word that comes out of your mouth.

How do you do this? You have to find the right type. Don't go for the Fundamentalist Christian; That will taint your flamewars with religion, and we're not here to offend people by religion or race. There are enough things dumb about people that we don't need to bite their heads off about their skin color or their choice of which god does what. You want to find the guy who's a little outcast. A lesser troll, for instance, is a wonderful target. Hey. It's a dog eat dog world out there.

Once you've gotten a few friends, and a few enemies, you're ready to start your first flamewar, right?


No no no.

This is the mistake most trolls make. Make some inflammatory post, and it's all over in one thread. This leads to the second rule.


Remember that introductory period? You should know by now who hates who, and who hates what. This is the hard part, really. Find out where the rivalries are. Ideally, you want to find a post where everything's on the brink.

Gaming threads are always good. But seriously, folks, stay away from the religion threads, no good ever comes of them.

So you've found your thread. Perhaps it looks something like this.

Forumer A: Ha, this game is awesome. GO X-BOX
Forumer B: X-box sucks hahahah
Forumer C: Hey, hey, there's nothing wrong with X-box, or PS2, or Gamecube.
Forumer D: Yeah, PS2's awesome. GTA3 foreva
Forumer A: What the hell, Halo, d00d.
Forumer B: Halo is gay lol

Now. You have an obvious conflict here. The Pro-Halo side, and the Anti-Halo side.

What do you take? *jeopardy theme*

If you said, 'Neither, let's go for the PS2 guy', you are absolutely right! Never attack the actual point of conflict; This conflict itself has been gone over potentially thousands of times, and will even itself out quite quickly. You want a new conflict in an old thread.

You: GTA3? What are you, five? (Gamecube Game) is MUCH better!

Bang. What have you done here?

A: Eluded the Halo conflict (Both sides will now attempt to convert you to their side; Good!)
B: Pissed off the PS2 guy.
C: Promoted your third, unheard of stance.

But. You have called him five, and said that you prefer gamecube. This is a beautiful setup, because everybody says Gamecube is for children! You are practically guaranteed, if you choose the right game, to get...

Forumer D: WTF?!?! Gamecube's for fucking gays, asshole.

Now, you might be tempted to post. Don't. Find some method of alerting your forum's GC enthusiast (They're always there, folks), that someone is attacking your beloved system.

Then you will have a full-fledged console war. Congratulations, you have done your first act of trolling. This wasn't for anything productive, mind you; That comes later.


Today's complaint?

People who change their name on MSN. Constantly.

If you don't know, due to being under a rock ro something, MSN Messenger allows you to change your display name so people see something different. This is useful if you want to customize away messages, and, theoretically, it shouldn't be a problem.

However, people seem to forget that their names actually change.

I have a friend, let's say, Bill. Me and Bill talk occasionally. He's the only one on my list.

His name on MSN is, uh, "Bill". Yeah, that's creative.

Now, the next morning, I wake up, and there's a name consisting of some song lyrics. Oh, that must be Bill! Oh, right, I get it now.

Now I have 50 people on my list. I go to bed knowing their names.

The next morning, they're all song lyric names, I can't possibly memorize all of their emails, and they all get annoyed when I can't tell who they are or I'm not talking to them.

>_> People. Choose a name, -stick to it-.

Yeah, screw you, Livejournal. My password is not too easy to guess. >:(

Battle.net denizens bother me.

They do.

Not the spelling/grammar/blatant gay jokes.

It's just how they seem to think.

Explain the entire concept of "no d/l" to me. Go on.

Do they REALLY have to play WC3 that bad that they can't wait the 30-50 seconds it usually takes to d/l a map? Now, I could reasonably see this being a matter for those who d/l slowly. But EVERYONE kicks slow d/lers, so that doesn't make you special. No d/l maps kick no matter what, and usually d/lers join anyway.

Or how's about 'no noobs'? ....Yes, I understand the concept of wanting all vets. But if everyone does it in EVERY GAME...see, that's the problem with these strategies. They work on the basis of them being the only ones that do it. Yet scrolling down a WC3 list of battle.net games leads to a long list of 'dota 3.28289374928734982734 special ultra gold platinum edition no noobs no d/l' and whatnot.

Furthermore, Helm's Deep is impossible for humans to win.
  • Current Mood
    aggravated aggravated

I know I said there'd be nothing about my personal life.

I lied. Small tidbit.

Had a physics test today. I did great till the last question.

I think somehow I claimed the height of a table was equal to gravity divided by time. ...However, in the same question, I think I said time was infinity. This could potentially cause a problem, because somehow, I came up with 5 m high anyway.

But, back to internet stuff, I guess.

...So, one of the forums I go to has a rule against drive-by advertising. That is, posting once and only to post spam. This, to me, seems to be absolute lunacy. Morals of the spammer aside, it's bloody mathematically unsound for the spammer to listen.

Neat table time :D

R: Rule
S: Spam
N: No Rule
D: Doesn't Spam

R 1 0
N 1 0

In case that didn't mean anything to you, there's only a chance the ad will get clicked on when the thing is posted. ...It does the spammer absolutely no good to listen to the rule, and nothing actually negative happens for not following it.

You're even assuming that a guy who's going to post ONCE on a forum is going to bother to read the rules. Why do you read rules? So you can continue to post at a forum. It's bloody lunacy to somehow assume that people who don't intend to stay at your forum will follow the rules. There's no reason to.

Now, let's take some adspammer who may decide to join. Ack! A no advertising rule! Well, we've burnt our bridges, time to flee. So, not only is it ineffective against adspammers, it may also be damaging to ACTUAL POTENTIAL MEMBERS.

Spam is really a thing too many people get upset about as well. On email where people get several hundred a day in some cases, I can see reasonable problems. But the constant numbers about how it ruins the economy are ridiculous. It's like claiming that people who sell television shows are being ruined by the fact networks sell commercial time.

As for message boards, it's bloody rare. Message boards take a little more time and effort most of the time. Even without an advertising rule, the forum I speak of got maybe 1 or 2 a week. And those were all King of Chaos players. ...I won't even go into how they thought that was a GOOD idea, but it was original, I guess.

Even in the case of message boards, realize that the people that do this probably go to about 200+ message boards, at the least. If even 1 out of those clicks a link, that's 1 click more than he or she would have gotten otherwise. It's bloody simple math.

Yes, spam is annoying. No, it's not the end of the world.

8-bit MUSH.

Whee. Y'know, in my entire time on MU*, I have never heard of one so goddamn hated as 8-bit MUSH.
I mean, even more than Tapestries. What does that tell you?

Now, I went there for a bit after going to Shoujoai and having them attacked. ...And, really, it's rather amazing. They're all 16-18. All of them. They actually meet IRL on a regular basis. ...Really, if it weren't for the constant attacking of other MU..

Of course, this leads to the question as to WHY they attack MU*. This is one that's been bugging me for some time. After all, it's easy enough to say 'Oh, because they're immature brats'. ...And, were it not for the fact that I've SEEN them have perfectly mature conversations on 8-bit MUSH, I'd agree.

So. If it's not simply immaturity, what is it? Well, I'm not sure, but I've figured out a few things. For example, take a look at their targets. They're invariably either TS, RP, or Furry MU*. So, I asked. ...Now, we've all heard of Luigi. And, normally, he's actually fairly sane to listen to. Mention RP, he gets a little testy. Oddly enough, shackelford came from an RP MUSH. ...Luigi does hold a certain disdain for RPers, indeed. Mention TS or furries? He almost starts foaming at the mouth and screaming about being the king of all MU* and how he's going to get rid of them all.

Oddly enough, they're all conservatives. It's fucking bizarre.

But moving on, people worry entirely too much about these people. It isn't that hard to deal with 8-bit attacks. Honestly. If you have simpleMU*, turn blank lines off. If not, keep MUCKclient on hand. I've been hit, it can handle about 300k lines or so on a broadband connection with no difficulties. If your God (Yes, I'm looking at you, Renee) has the password set as default, get him or her to change it. It's not that hard. Don't flame 'em. They want amusing logs is what they want. Don't give them as such. @shutdown the MUSH if you want for a bit. It's not cowardice. You can't win unless you really think you can spam them off, and you're STILL wasting your own bandwidth. A few people have crashed 8-bit in return. It does work, I admit. But they're damned good with their coding.

Now, I dunno what was up with you Shoreside idiots, but don't go over there preaching love and peace. I don't know what the hell you have to be on to do that. And DON'T preach the goodness of TS. I could have cried, I really could have. You aren't going to convince them to change their ways.

What's that? Anybody can change? You're right. But there's always a balance. Quite frankly, you're going to get a constant ratio of twinks to other people. It's just an immutable fact. I'd rather know where my twinks are at all times and what they're doing.

If anything, they might just help you figure out that being spammed off a connection isn't the fucking end of the world. Honestly, get over it.

Ponderings of a Forum Troll

Meh. I could go into my personal life on this sucker, but fuck it. There isn't anything worth talking about in it.

Just for reference, my days do something like this.

Step 1: Wake up.

Step 2: Go to class, return.

Step 3: Do housework.

Step 4: Spend about 4-8 hours on comp

Step 5: Sleep.

So we don't have to worry about that.

Now, that's 4-8 hours a day on the computer. And that's where my life actually holds some meaning.

Whassat? Why don't I have a social life? Because everybody in my school who doesn't spend all their time on the computer as well usually has some sort of chemical addiction. So the Internet is all I have.

It's been this way for a few years.

I've spent about 5 years on the Internet now, using the exact same goddamn name. Just go on Google. It's all me. All of it. 'cept that one site on IGN that's in French. I have no clue who that guy is. I think I might just track him down some day and smack him in the back of the head for using my name.

But anyway. If furries are truly animals, I'm truly a piece of software. I've decided. Really, I can almost write coding for my decision-making process, and I'm fairly damned predictable.

For a bit of psycho babble, Banjooie itself comes from Banjo-Kazooie. A male and female character. Thus, gender neutral. Thalamasa has Thalamos, etc, and the Neo Vanists are in the middle ground in terms of femininity.

But what's weird is this. No matter where I go online, I end up being a -service-. It's fucking bizarre. FF3.com had its Zanyashi. Nobody really paid attention, but he wasn't a person either. His job was to start the flamewars that kept everyone's attention on him instead of flaming each other. 's where I got my whole lightning rod effect from.

Pewter City? I drove away Brock. I dunno whether that was right or not, but it was the first time I destroyed a website. Yeah, these aren't necessarily in chronological order. I care not.

Shoujoai MUSH, I became the newbie filter. What I did was basically keep stupid people out, and keep people from doing stupid things. I once went on a date with somebody, who was telling me how hard it was to think of me as a person and not an icon. And I'd heard this a few times.

The PokeMUCK I left too early, but I was pretty blatantly headed to being the admin watchdog and newbie filter. Since Michael there was an absolute fuckwit, Alynna, well, Alynna left, because, um, I was dead. Or something. I really never understood her.

8-bit MUSH was ironic, because they always accused people of being spies for other MUSHes. And I actually use their code elsewhere. It's great. And I had time to warn of MUSH attacks.

I wanna avoid that sort of deal, which is probably the non-Renee related reason I don't go over to Shoreside. Hell, I've got no reason to hate her anymore.

So yeah. I have a marked tendency to become a service that nobody really worries about. Call it a martyr tendency if you will, but it's something that happens to me without my intentional guidance.

's funny, though. Being a forum troll. Any idiot can just flame rampantly and troll forums. That's not, in my mind, being a forum troll. I do it for a reason. Why would you wanna start a flamewar up, besides shits 'n giggles? I'll tell you. Some flamewars stop easier than others. Using an easy example, if you've got a set of flames brewing between two people that's gonna last months, you can become the problem with whatever issue you bring up. Hopefully, when that gets resolved, the original problem is forgotten. It works.

But here's the thing. To do it successfully, you can't piss off one entire group at once. By that I mean you can't bash all Christians, all Wiccans, all furries, etc. If you do, you're guaranteed to hit the wrong target sometimes, and fuck up. What does this mean? This means you can't dislike people for being in a specific group. 's why I don't mind being on Furcadia, 's why I don't mind furries in general. Even the yiffy ones. Quite simply, there are too many of them for me to hate them as a general group.

Does this mean I sympathize with KKK people? No. I can dislike them individually as I come to them, but that doesn't mean I'm going to go 'omg you're in KKK'. Occasionally, there are misguided fuckwits who just go along with it because they think it's a good idea. I can flame those people individually, and there simply aren't enough for me to worry about it most of the time.

Back on topic, if this ramble even has one, it's hard to mock people properly if you're avoiding basic 'haha you're a furry' type deals. I mean, I'm far beyond homosexual jokes. I went to a lesbian MUSH. That's just not happening. In fact, I can only really yell at people for specific stupid acts. This means, essentially, that I end up seeing the good in just about everybody. Because I strive to insult them more effectively. Does it mean I avoid flaming people because I see the good in them? No. Yay for double layers of irony.

If anyone someday ever decides to take up my line of work for some god-forsaken reason, realize you'll probably end up coming out with respect for just about everybody. That's what makes it hard, when you -don't- hate the person and you still have to bitchsmack 'em. So I guess I can make this 'How to troll for reasons besides personal amusement'. I probably won't, but, y'know.